Well I started this blog and posted not much. Too painful. So I thought rather than try and organize everything logically I should do what I said the purpose of the blog was:- to reflect the emotions and bleakness of this situation rather than try and convey anything.
Last night was a shopping trip search of codeine. We are not supposed to go shopping for it like this. But since there seems to be a total taboo on getting anything stronger what else is there to do but buy up Codeine and extract it? I don't understand all the hype about "too freely available narcotics". Seems to me you would need a limb hanging off before you were considered for it. And limb hanging off is unlikely to be near the pain levels of CFS / Fibromyalgia when a "full body" migraine takes hold.
Today it was trying to ward off his feelings that life was just too hard and he wanted it to end. Well if I were him I think I would have ended it long ago. How many years need to tick by for a 13 year old? No growing into an adult. No university. No girlfriend. No life. Just a few school friends who "knew me like I used to be" that are still around. But 11 years has ticked on.
I have to look on. Able to do nothing.
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